琪蹟333

倫倫,
我今天有來了!!
最近真得好忙喔,好多東西要想,好多作文要寫....
可是天氣最近超好的,讓我心情也有好起來..
只是自己擔憂的事太多了,很怕走錯一步就會毀了自己的人生...
好期待暑假的到來喔 ,這樣就不用煩考試,功課...人也輕鬆不少..
今年交了好多新朋友,可是明年就看不到他們了,
新的學校會開,有好多包括我那一班最好的朋友都要離開我..
以前想到這個會好難過,可是現在的我不會了,不知道為什麼,沒那麼傷心難過了,
可能是長大了吧,發現這就是人生,終會有很多人在妳身旁來來去去的...
我很謝謝她們,有些認識9年了,在我被別的朋友出賣的時候,讓我感受到真正的友情...
謝謝她們,也謝謝老天爺讓我認識一班我很愛的朋友,也讓我認識瑋倫...

4/22/2009 6:16p.m.

琪蹟333

倫倫,
hello!!!我又來了!!
連續三天都來留言了,希望能夠保持下去!!
今天天氣又超好的...有85度然後帶點風,很舒服!!
這兩個禮拜都有好多東西要做,要煩喔...
所以就算是這世界上最完美的天氣,心情還是有點down.
最近很喜歡一首歌喔,雖然不是最新的,可是會讓我整個人放鬆下來...旋律很好聽...
上次聽丞琳唱也感動到我了,今天就跟倫倫分享吧..

"旋木"
曲：袁惟仁
詞：楊明學Kefca
編曲：黃中嶽

擁有華麗的外表和絢爛的燈光
我是匹旋轉木馬身在這天堂
只為了滿足孩子的夢想
爬到我背上就帶你去翱翔

＊我忘了只能原地奔跑的那憂傷
　我也忘了自己是永遠被鎖上
　不管我能夠陪你有多長
　至少能讓你幻想與我飛翔

＃奔馳的木馬　讓你忘了傷
　在這一個供應歡笑的天堂
　看著他們的羨慕眼光　不需放我在心上

　旋轉的木馬　沒有翅膀
　但卻能夠帶著你到處飛翔
　音樂停下來你將離場　我也只能這樣＃＊


4/23/2009 9:39p.m.

琪蹟333

倫倫,
我發現禮拜天真的跟我又仇啊,
不知道為什麼,每一個禮拜天都會覺得好空虛,好煩惱,好不開心喔...
我好想哭,可是又哭不出來,我不知道能怎麼樣去抒發我的情緒..
下一個禮拜有好多好多好多東西要做,要交...
我真的快崩潰了,受不了了..
只有跟妳說說話,我才會覺得放鬆一點..
讀書是這樣的嗎?
我剛開始的高中生涯怎麼會變成這樣呢?
如果我當初沒有選那麼難的課,我想我現在會是開心的吧..
可是我又害怕後悔,害怕將來會不成功,所以才挑選了最難的課程...
成功的背後,一定要是不開心的日子嗎?
為什麼我做不到,我一直在尋找,一直在尋找我的快樂,
可是都找不到,發現討厭自己的程度越來越高,自卑感也跟著提升...
我不知道要怎麼辦,我該怎麼做呢??

11:14p.m. 4/26/09

琪蹟333

倫倫,
今天心情好多了,不知道是想通還是怎麼樣,沒那麼煩了...
明天就是第27個28了,在天國好嗎?!
今天去看了牙醫,他說我的牙套快可以拆掉了!!  我很開心!!
快帶了２年了，是在２００７年帶上的，那時候妳剛離開不久，心情還沒平復。。。
那時候對自己想，這輩子我有可能會接受這個事實嗎？
過了兩年，我還是不清楚我到底接受了没，
我只知道我每天都在對自己說謊，
說了兩年多，自己漸漸相信了，相信妳只是去了比較遠的地方而以。。。
我想我一輩子都會在這個謊言中度過吧！
因為，說真的，我害怕那種心痛的感覺，心好像被一百把刀刺著，
那種痛，我永遠都不會忘記，因為那是我人生第一次感受到＂心痛＂的感覺。
對妳的約定，我也永遠不會忘記，
我一輩子都會記得＂許瑋倫＂。。。

７：１２p.m. 4/27/2009

qooll123456

還是倫倫最棒了

琪蹟333

倫倫,
從今天開始,不如我用英文來這裡留言...因為首先中文不是我的強項還有我想從新開始新的一頁....

Today, It was just a normal day.  I came back from school and went online as usual.  For some reason, I feel really empty this year, like I'm missing something inside me.  More like, there's a hole that I cant find a way to fill.  I thought of all the possibilities, maybe stress, maybe it's just that I'm growing up and the warmth inside my heart just disappeared.  It's not a good feeling I can tell you, it's more like my motivation is gone.  I feel like I lost all my "hope" that I had for that past 2 and 1/2 years since you were gone.  I was scared. Really scared.  I asked myself, "Why am I feeling this way??" For the past two and a half years, my motivation came from my family, my goals, Buddha, and you.  And you, 倫倫, is a really really big part of my motivation.  You're like the fireplace in my heart, warming up me when I feel cold inside or when I'm hit by a really big blizzard.  I was scared of losing "you".  The "you" in my heart, the "you" that motivates me, the "you" that taught me so many things....It's maybe because I don't put enough time on you anymore, and I feel really bad for it.  The guilt in me has built up so high that I feel like I don't deserve to be you "fan" anymore.  In my opinion, I feel like this emptiness in myself is my penalty for leaving you out of my life for so long.  Why am I finally back here?  Maybe it's because I don't want this emptiness to completely fill me and I need your help.  And I think this is the only way to fill my hole back in again.  So lets just call this therapy. 倫倫's Therapy Day 1.

I'm still trying really hard in school.  Cause I never forgot about my promise to you, to live an awesome life for you.  It's been torturing though and its really worn me out.  Competition in school is so great that I don't even think a 4.0 is enough. Now that's what I call insane.  As we get older, happiness does get harder to reach, especially when you want to accomplish big things in life.  I'm not depressed or anything like that, I just feel like this journey is REALLY hard and it's so tiring.  I just need someone to complain all this too and someone who I can spill all my deepest feelings to. Of course, that someone would be,倫倫, you.  So I'll have my "stress" therapy starting from today to track my emotions.  Lets see how long I can do this for...hehe...

Results for My Day:
"Happy" Percent: 68%
"Stress" Percent: 75%
Thing that I'm most looking forward to now: "2012" (The movie) and WEEKEND!!!
What's stressing my out? My chem quiz on Thursday and English test next week.
Interesting moment/thing of my day: First day of term 2 and I switched out of a psychology into child development!

11/09/09 9:11 p.m

琪蹟333

倫倫,
Today was an okay day. I still have a homework that I have to catch up on and do but for some reason, I'm not too stressed yet maybe because I don't have any tests or quizzes tomorrow.  So I'm pretty sure I'll be super super stressed tomorrow night because I have a history test and chem quiz on Thursday.  Otherwise, I came home from school, went straight to volunteering, which actually went pretty well.  After that, I came home and now I'm online.  I don't have that much to say today.

Therapy Day #2 Results:
"Happy" Radar: 80%
Stressed Radar: 75%
Interesting Moment of the Day: Figured out how much I hate my "Child Development" class since I know no one in there.  It's just horrible.

11/10/09 8:51 p.m

琪蹟333

倫倫,
Happy Birthday!!!!!!! Thank goodness I found time to leave a post here today, or else I would have missed it! Anyways, how are you doing now? Did you celebrate in wherever you are? I'm sure you did, you're such a great person, I bet you met lots of new friends.  It's a Friday! I'm very happy, not about school or anything, just plain glad it's the weekend.  Sorry, for not being able to leave a comment these past 2 days, I've been really busy with homework.  But once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I love you now and always will, hope you're having a great time in heaven.   

9:51 p.m 11/13/09

琪蹟333

倫倫,
Today was just a bad day.  I had two really important tests, calc and chem, where I did horribly bad on.  It was just horrible. And yes, its making me depressed.  I'm just mad at myself. REALLY REALLY mad. I want to cry but I just cant for some god dang reason.  I think I've just lost it.  I really cant stand this crap anymore, why is this year so torturing??  

Therapy Day 3
Happy: 50%
Stress: 75%
Sad/Disappointment: 99%
Only thing that's cheering me up: New Moon comes out in 3 days!!! and I got my tickets today!!

琪蹟333

倫倫,
I haven't came here for a long time.  I'm really really sorry.  God, how many times do i have to apologize because i don't keep my promises??  I guess I'm just one bad bad person. haha...
Anyways, I'm on winter break now!!! I'm really really happy and really enjoying every second of it as much as possible.  It snowed almost a foot here yesterday so its a very very very white Christmas.  How about you?  Is it snowing where you are?
I'm in a very lost mode now, I want to just forget everything but I have so many important things I have to do that I cant ignore.  What am I supposed to do?  Ah, screw it, I'm just going to enjoy my break now.  That's a good idea right??!!
"Merry Christmas!!"  Thank you for being part of my life, it means so much to me.  And for the Therapy session, now looking back at it, I don't think I'll do it anymore.  Probably because I understand now that what matters is not how much I'm stressed out today, but what matters is how much I'm happy tomorrow.  It may not make sense to anyone else, but thats ok, at least it makes sense to me.  And yes, I understand I am such an inconsistent person. hehe, i'll try to work on that.  Once again, "Merry Christmas!"

11:20 p.m 12-24-09

琪蹟333

倫倫,
It's still December 31st over here!! I just wanted to say Happy New Year to you!!  A new year, a new decade, a new start.  A lot happened this past ten years. Knowing you was one of the most important things that happened in this decade.  Thank you for teaching me so much.  Really.  Anyways, Happy New Year once again, and I hope you enjoy every second wherever you are. 2010, here we come!!!

12/31/2009 11:06 p.m

琪蹟333

倫倫,
今天我90歲的婆婆走了, 去了和你一樣的地方了....
本來是載著媽媽一起去看婆婆的,可是開到一半的時候就接到電話說婆婆走了.
我忍住眼淚, 因為我不想讓我媽媽擔心,也不想讓我媽媽更難過, 可是一到了婆婆的家,我看見媽媽紅了眼眶,我的眼淚就不控制的掉下來...
其是婆婆走對婆婆因該是好事,因為婆婆這兩個禮拜真的撐得很幸苦了,婆婆也曾說過希望菩薩能夠帶她走...
我們都感受到婆婆的痛,也不想讓他那麼幸苦了,
可是我們真的好捨不得她喔...
我一出生,婆婆就是我唯一的grandparent, 爺爺,奶奶,公公早就去世了,
因此,我和婆婆的感情更深厚...我媽媽就不用說了,常常打電話,帶婆婆到外面吃東西,逛街,他們的感情真的很好很好...
在我印象中,婆婆是一個非常非常可愛又聰明的老人家, 雖然90歲了,可是每一次看見她的時候,她總會很開心的大笑.
我們一家人在講話的時候, 她總是會說一些很幽默的東西去虧我的叔叔,阿姨,逗得我們全家人都很開心...
記得有一次, 我叔叔問了大家一個IQ問題,
沒有一個人能回答得出來, 當所有人都想不到的時候,婆婆竟然想到答案!!

我會永遠的懷念她....永遠懷念她的笑容,她的幽默,她的可愛...
我真的好捨不得,好捨不得她喔...

婆婆, 一路好走, 我很榮幸能夠當你的孫女...在天國的時候,要快樂喔, 我們一家人都會永遠記得妳...


1/18/2010 9:35 p.m

琪蹟333

倫倫,
我終於來了!! 好久好久沒來這裡了!!
這兩個月有好多東西忙喔, 可是現在比較好了! 終於讀完chemistry了!!
其實那一個class還好, 只是那老師實在太嚴格了, 而且還常常恐嚇我們...所以啊,班上沒一個人都不敢不做功課的...
哈哈, 這樣她也算是一個好老師吧...
現在課程比較容易了, 只有3班是難的, 沒有那麼大壓力了!
可是我今年的節日都過的超爛的!!
2010年新年的時候, 在網路上和一個朋友度過,
新春新年的時候連年夜飯也沒得吃, 情人節就不用說了, 沒有情人怎麼慶祝阿!!
我生日,萬聖節,和聖誕也一樣...
唉, 我想大家也太忙了啦...沒心情跟我過節日...
倫倫,你的節日有過的好不好呢?! 至少一定過的比我好吧! 不然就真的很慘!! 哈..

7:10 p.m 03/01/2010

琪蹟333

倫倫,
記得上個禮拜夢到妳了ㄟ!! 好久好久沒夢到了..
夢中,我是在一個停車場看妳拍"惡男宅急電", 好像我有機會和妳一起拍還是什麼的...
妳當是很美,而我也好像知道你已經裡開了..
謝謝妳給我這個夢, 讓我再次能看到天使的樣子!
妳現在好嗎?! 還在修行嗎?
現在常看到妳好姊妹丞琳的消息喔,我想妳看到她越來越成功也替她很高興吧!
最近的我,也還在努力者學業那一方面...大家一起加油吧!!

7:01 p.m 03/17/2010

p.s 差點忘了, 今天是ST.Patricks Day, 台灣有這個嗎?還是只有美國有? 反正就是 Happy St. Patricks Day啦!!

[ 本帖最後由 琪蹟333 於 2010-3-17 18:04 編輯 ]

琪蹟333

倫倫,
我終於來了, 最近好多好多考試要準備所以比較忙了一點...
現在還是很忙,可是今天好想好想和妳說說話...

今天,我有個朋友/學長走了,
在第一堂課的時候, 老師就跟我們說,我那位同學昨天在家自殺走了...
學校裡好多同學都崩潰了, 我也是憋住才不哭的...不過還是流了幾滴眼淚...
你也知道, 我不愛在家人,朋友面前哭...
才18歲, 還有一個半月就要畢業了, 真的想不到他會選擇離開...
記得學校第一學期的時候, 我和他有在人體同一班, 所以那時候跟他還蠻要好的,
我記憶中的他是一個很聰明, 很愛笑的人,
每次我們這班女生不知道一個答案的時候, 就會大叫他的名字, 因為他總會知道...
所以我總叫他是我的anatomy buddy~
可是現在, 他怎麼離開了呢?!
我好想他, 總覺得這不是事實...
那麼開朗的人, 這麼會想不開呢?!
雖然跟他不是超級好朋友, 可是朋友是一輩子的, 就算很短暫,很普通, 我也會永遠記住他的笑容...
倫倫, 如果在天國看到eric, 請幫我告訴他, 他的朋友, 家人都好想他, 好愛他, 也要他在天國過的快樂....
R.I.P Eric, you were a GREAT person. I'll miss you.

9:10 p.m 4/21/2010